five years of hrt
five years! of estrogen!
five years! of breasts!
five years! of watching myself slowly morph into my mother
five years...
the lead up to getting on hrt nearly killed me. i came out to my mother when i was 17, and then to the rest of my family about a year later, just a few weeks before starting hormones. in the year between was a lot of counseling and therapy, working with specialists to try to figure out if this was really what i wanted (it was).
coming out wasn't really my choice; the doctor said that they could "try to do some creative billing," but that ultimately the bill would go through from the gender clinic, and the main insurance holder (my dad) would be able to see that. i was lucky enough that nobody in my (immediate) family cared too much. they all eventually moved over to my new name and pronouns (they/them, at the time -- being referred to as a woman then was, strangely, dysphoria inducing -- but she/her nowadays).
five years...
five years ago i was fresh out of high school. five years ago i had no direction. five years ago i had only barely begun to separate from my abusive father. five years ago i felt powerless.
five years later and a lot has changed. i'm away from him now! i broke into the software industry. i moved twice, i'm living with my partner (whom i met within the last five years). i've met so many wonderful friends. i've lost a few. i've bought a car. i've gotten over my long-standing fear of roller coasters. i've had more than a few mental health episodes... i've also healed a lot of trauma and anxiety. i've learned to be so much of a better person.
and yes, five years of hormones. five years of ruby.
wonder what'll happen in the next five!